I have never... understood skincare

During the months pre-wedding I spent some time at Virgin Vie parties. Usually being convinced to part with lots of cash for things I never opened but that smelled nice and looked attractive on the side of the bath. Since then I haven't spent much time thinking about my face and up until this week I had never sat in a busy department store thinking about it.

I must admit I was struggling a little. No time to plan new things meant that I was easily convinced to sit in chair in public and talk about my skin care routine. Of course I have no skin care routine but in the spirit of sheer embarrassment I made one up. It went a bit like this.

"Hello, how can I help?"

"Hi, I'm looking for erm, some skin care stuff." (Pauses uncomfortably) "I have dry skin."

"What do you currently use?"

"Excuse me?"

"What is your skin care routine at the moment?"

"Ah well it's quite limited". (Quick think of something)

"What do you clean your face with?" (CLearly she thought she should be making the questions simpler)

"Erm. Oh soap. "(Bugger, that doesn't sound right. Who washes with a bar of soap? Quick fix it) "Hypoallergenic of course."

She looked shocked. As did I because I don't know where that came from. Actually I wash my face with whatever shampoo washed off my hair in the shower...

"And do you moisturise?"

"Yes."  (At least something I could say with confidence. Well she didn't ask me if it was every day...)

"And what do you use?"

"Oil of Olay" (This is sort of true as I do own some. I just didn't like to say 'whatever is on offer usually'...  I do have some standards because the one from Aldi was terrible.)

She looked worried for me and quickly encouraged me to sit on a white leather chair. I resisted the temptation to spin round on it. She already thought I was odd.

The following fifteen minutes consisted of being cleaned, spritzed and moisturised. And me making stuff up about how much make up I ever wear and how I remove it.

I learnt the following:

1. Once I use this product I will never look back

2. I should eat avocados.

3. My skin is amazing considering I wash with soap. (Or frankly considering that I don't wash it very much at all...)

4. I have time in my life for skin care.

5. I need to decant some toner into a small bottle so I can spritz myself regularly throughout the day. Really?

6. I should stop drinking alcohol.  I stopped listening at that point.

Then I spent money I didn't need to and booked myself in for a free hand and arm massage. Which incidentally I have never had either. It sounds weird. What is the use of relaxed arms? Ah well yet another small adventure to be had this time with floaty hands.

So there you go. Small again. Still building myself up to the pole dancing.